YOUR NEIGHBOR, A Selection From THE SUN LOVES EVERY PLANET

I’m a sadistic prick

I don’t have any talent or intelligence

I have no purpose in life

Since I have nothing worthwhile

To focus my time and energy on

I criticize and attack

People I feel jealous of

I’m a very limited person

I’ve never been out of the country

I’ve never read one work of literature

I’ve never been to a museum

I beat my wife and yell at my kids

I kick the dog whenever I can

Kicking the dog

Really makes me feel powerful

It’s one of my favorite things to do

I know anything and everything

You can possibly think of

Ask me

I know

I’m the expert

On every subject known to man

Especially politics and the economy

With or without my beer in hand

I have absolutely no courage

That’s the main reason

I’ve never been out of the country

That along with the fact

That I have no desire

To expand my horizons

In any way

I’m scared to meet new people

And do new things

I have no imagination

Whatsoever

I’m the king of my castle

I rule the living room

I love to bring others down

I live for it

It makes me feel better

About myself

If those damn terrorists

Didn’t move my job overseas

If those damn terrorists

Didn’t open our borders

To every illegal immigrant

If those damn terrorists

Didn’t hand out guns

To grade school kids

I could drink my beer in peace